


Give Me Reasons To Believe

by Nighten_Gale



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, JeanMika just for the plot, M/M, MY BABY MARCO, jeanmarco, jeanmika, modernau
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-15
Updated: 2015-09-15
Packaged: 2018-04-19 20:22:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4759745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nighten_Gale/pseuds/Nighten_Gale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marco and Jean were best always friends- honestly they really were. But, how much is Marco willing to suffer before he realizes how much he's sacrificing just for Jean to be happy? How much pain does he have to go through before he realizes he's made a huge mistake? How much will he endure before he drowns of a broken heart?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Give Me Reasons To Believe

**Author's Note:**

> I swear I only made this because I felt like messing with Marco's little homo heart. <3 One-shot babeh.

I stared back into my reflection. There was a warm liquid rushing down my cheeks, followed by more. A throbbing pain was coming upon my heart, and my stomach felt as if thousands of bricks were slammed against it. It was a gut-wrenching feeling I despised at the moment. But what was even worse was that I knew why that feeling was there. The feeling was there because I, Marco Bodt...

...fell in love with my best friend. 

* * *

_Jean and I walked through the halls, talking and laughing like the usual until Armin came in front and interrupted us._

_"Hey, Jean!" He said, all excited._

_I looked in Jean's direction and saw his eye brow raised, "What is it Armin?"_

_"There's word saying Mikasa's actually considering being together with you! Go on," he pushed at Jean, "Ask her! You're missing this opportunity!"_

_His eyes widened and a small blush sprung onto his cheeks. He turned his head towards me, "Marco, what the fuck should I do!?"_

**_I have to act._ **

**_I have to act._ **

**_Wait - Why should I act?_ **

**_What's my reason to act...?_ **

_**This is supposed to be what I wanted to happen, there shouldn't be any acting... It's all true, righ** t? _

_I gave him the biggest smile I had. "Do it, Jean! It's exactly how Armin said it. If you have a huge chance of being together with her, just go for it! Just - do it!" I couldn't even believe I did it, but I started imitating the famous "Just Do It" inspirational speech._

_He blinked maybe once or twice before he busted into laughter, "Why Shia Labeouf, Marco, why?"_

_Giving him a simple, fake, sympathetic smile, I started, "Because I don't want your dreams to be dreams..."_

_He slapped my back and I chuckled with his laughter. All of a sudden, he started smiling with a huge blush on him and my heart skipped a beat._

_"Okay Marco, I'll do it. Thanks, man. And thank you too Armi- What the fuck, he's gone."_

_I started to blink again pause for a moment. Now thinking about what I've just done - I just encouraged my best friend, Jean Kirstein, to go ask out his three year crush, Mikasa Ackerman. And now he's actually leaving me to go do it.. I should be bursting with joy for him, right? So now.. Right when he leaves..._

**_Why did I immediately stop smiling?_ **

* * *

I ran my fingers through my hair, completely aggravated with myself as my heart kept crying with me. 

I knew why I wanted to act.

I knew why I stopped smiling. 

It was because I was in fear, and in shock of him leaving my side. I knew that if he had the biggest chance of going out with Mikasa, that would gain him the opportunity of being more by her side than mine. That thought...

..tore me apart even more...

* * *

_Jean and I were walking along the halls again. Our little schedule of us hanging out together had changed drastically. He was spending less time with me now, and more time with his new girlfriend, Mikasa. Our walk down the halls was my only long lasting time with Jean before he goes off again. But - even then our time was incomplete._

_Because it wasn't even about us anymore._

**_It was about her._ **

 

  _"And then Mikasa was like- Oh! Speaking about her, there she is!" He started smiling like a huge dork again as he stopped and pointed towards her. It caught her attention and she turned around to face us._

_She gave a small smile and nodded her head, stopping. "Hey, Jean."_

_"Hey," Jean said quietly to me as he nudged my shoulder, "I'll catch up with you later."_

_He left my side again to return to Mikasa's._

_He left **me** again._

**_And it hurts, it hurts so much._ **

**_Yet, I didn't know why._ **

* * *

I lied to myself at that moment. Of course I fucking knew why; I just completely pushed aside the truth. Every day I spent asking myself questions. Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why did it hurt so much?

Why was all this pain going through me?

Why did it burn like a mix between a cold star and a sun? 

Why did I do to deserve this aching feeling of loving someone I could never have?

It was because it was me - Marco Bodt. I was the man who never went through the feeling of being loved - because I was always the one loving. 

Loving someone that could never be mine. 

And it hurt.

It hurt.

It  _hurt._

* * *

_More days passed, and some went by without Jean even speaking a word to me. Not even a glance._

_But it wasn't like I even deserved it at this point._

_The more I walked along the halls, the more I realized I didn't even have any friends at all I could communicate with. I was just that lonely. Sure, I had the typical Sasha and Connie and whatnot but I still felt **so alone.** They weren't Jean. They could  **never** be Jean. _

_Jean..._

_Jean..._

_Jean..._

_Jean was a stranger to me now..._

_I was no longer someone he could have in his life anymore._

_I had no place._

_I really was alone._

* * *

I broke down in the bathroom. My kneels failed to keep the rest of my body up and I sunk down to the floor, grabbing a fistful of my hair. The tears wouldn't stop. The pain wouldn't stop. The thought of  _him_ couldn't stop. _  
_

_Nothing_ could stop. 

Because the world kept going, and it stopped for no one. 

"Jean..." I repeated endlessly. My throat hurt and I could barely let the name slip. 

"Don't leave me..." I choked out as I let my hands fall to my sides and hug myself. "Don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me,  _God,_ don't leave me.." 

"Marco...?" A voice called out to me, footsteps following not to far behind - but only from one person. There was only one person in this whole entire universe who could call my name like that. Call it out with a sweet, caring tone that no one else could posses. The way it could roll off his tongue like it was a name worth saying.

His name was Jean.

Jean Kirstein.

I couldn't turn around. I fucking couldn't. And that was that. "J-Jean," I choked, struggling as I shakily stood, "I-I-"

"Are you crying?" 

"N-No, I just... I-"

"Marco-fucking-Bodt," He grabbed my shoulder and turned me, shoving me against the nearest wall, "Don't you lie to me."

A sharp gasped escaped from me as my blurry vision soon became slightly clear. There was something I saw in his eyes - fire, rage, concern. 

"Don't, Jean. Leave me al-"

"Marco-"

"LEAVE ME FUCKING ALONE! LEAVE ME JUST LIKE YOU'VE BEEN DOING FOR THE PAST FUCKING MONTH!" I raised my voice, and it surprised him. "Don't act like this is  _any_ different than any day this month. So what if you see me crying in the bathroom today? Where were you when I passed out in the middle of the hallways last week because I could  _never_ get any sleep? You want to talk about lying now? Great! How about all those times when  _I_ lied to  _you_ about being "okay" when you'd leave me - your best friend - for Mikasa! Let's talk about how I became the one person you claimed your best friend to a complete nobody! Let's talk about everything that happened this month!"

"You little shitload of freckles, Marco, you never understood didn't you!?" Apparently I wasn't the only one raising a voice. "I needed a distraction. I needed someone else to think about all the time before it was too late, Marco!"

"Too late for _what_ Jean!?" 

"For me to fall in love with you! God fucking dammit Marco I'm in love with you, you idiot! For all that time I was with Mikasa, I couldn't stop thinking about you! You think I was happy about you encouraging me to be with her!? No! I wasn't. It hurt, because I thought you were desperate to send me away from you to her! That promise in April, Marco, Yeah! I meant it all because that was exactly when I fell in love with you! You..-" He stopped mid sentence once he realized his eyes were watering. The look pained me enough, but his words surprised me eve more. He moved his hands to my chest and grabbed a fist load of my shirt and my buried his face right under my neck. "You're the only one... I could ever love."

His words were like a trigger that I never knew existed and my moved my body to where I wrapped my arms around him, accepting all of him.

"I.. left her because I loved you."

My eyes went wide, "J-Jean, you wh-"

"She already knew that you were the one. She could tell." His words were muffled into my chest, but I could understand them completely. "And she let me go..." 

"Jean... I..."

"I love you!" He shouted out and pushed himself away from me.

"I love you!" He repeated, more fiercely.

"I love you!"

"I, Jean-fucking-Kirstein, love you!"

He stood in front of me, his breathing was heavy. His face was red all over, even to the tips of his ears. 

Hearing those words from him. They were strong, all most too strong to be true. But it was, 

and it hurt.

But I loved it.

Taking a step forward, I gently cupped the crook of his neck, tilting my head forward to where ours touched. 

"I love you too," I whispered, "I love you to, Jean..."

We leaned forward, connecting our lips together. His was soft and moist, but mostly, it was gentle and sweet. This was it. This was our first kiss. 

And it was the most amazing feeling ever.

This was a reason to believe

That hey, maybe it was okay for me to love him,

and now I can love him forever  

* * *

 _Give me reasons to believe_  
_That you would do the same for me._  
  
_And I would do it for you, for you._  
_Baby, I'm not moving on_  
_I'll love you long after you're gone._  
_For you, for you._  
_You will never sleep alone._  
_I'll love you long after you're gone_  
_And long after you're gone, gone, gone._

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe I should start working on an actual series? <3?


End file.
